Thomas Lee

Okay, sorry to get all touchy-feely on what’s mostly a technical blog - but here we go.

I’ve just read an article by Jonathan Rauch which was both reassuring and, at the same time, a little offensive. As an introvert myself, I could very much relate to what Jonathan was saying and I think a lot of what he had to say was spot on. However, his assertion that introverts (<em>innies</em>)are somehow more intelligent, reflective and all-round more intellectually and emotionally sound than their extroverted counterparts is a great big pile of blathering crap. I was embarrassed to hear him say as such and apparently truly believe it. So in response to his sweeping generalizations, here are a few of my own:

We’re NOT implicitly more intelligent, we’re just private

Innies think a whole lot. And we keep it all to our quiet little selves. Every single living day, thoughts occur to people - irrespective of whether they’re introverted or extroverted. These thoughts may range from, “What colour shirt will I wear to work today?” all the way through to doozies like, “Why are we here?”. Extroverts are not talking puppets, and most definitely have ideas and thoughts as deep as any introverts. The simple difference is that an extrovert is likely to mention such thoughts in passing as part of a larger conversation. Meanwhile, an introvert may take private joy in contemplating the colour of his/her shirt or the meaning of life all to him/herself.

Extroverts are not necessarily idiots. They’d probably tell you so, too.

We’re not always level-headed

Sometimes people get angry and annoyed. Sometimes they overreact, or get embarrassed, or hurt, or cry. You’ll find this true for all types of personality - wallflower, social butterfly and in-between. Emotionally volatile introverts may give the impression of level-headedness by virtue of the fact they don’t necessarily interact if they’re not “on” in a social sense.

Maybe we’re slightly more independent than the average extrovert (in a very loose sense)

I know as many needy introverts as I do needy extroverts. I’ve seen the extroverted go introverted when in emotional pain, and the introverted tell anybody who’ll listen about their dog dying. I guess the introverted may come off as a little aloof and detached, but it’s not because we care about you any less.

Perhaps one thing that may be true about introverts and extroverts, though, is the innie’s comfort within themselves: to be perfectly happy in silence and solitude.

Does that make us more independent? Too deep for me to think about at this time of night

We’re not more refined (or at least I’m not)

Often my awful Aussie drawl creeps out (I got that from my mother - imagine an Australian version of Fran Drescher). I sometimes struggle to use “proper” English when speaking. I rarely shave (I try, I really do!). On weekends, showers become an optional chore. My shoebox apartment is a fucking mess. No, it’s not because I’m a programmer - I know plenty of refined programmers! - it’s because I’m a bit of a slob. So are lots of people, introverted and extroverted alike. Extroverts are not slobs, wankers or rednecks by default.

More sensitive? Pah!

Rubbish. What about drama queens?

One might argue that introverts are more sensitive because we think about our feelings so god damn hard. The fact is everybody has feelings and we all experience them to varying degrees. How we express these feelings is another matter entirely. To designate introverts as somehow being more susceptible to human emotions shows both ignorance and a little narcissism.

Off-the-cuff tips for understanding an introvert

1. Just because we don’t come to dinner doesn’t mean we hate you, nor is it necessarily because we’re lazy. Sometimes we just feel like we need a day to ourselves because we spent yesterday with Bert and last night with Betty. It may surprise you, but this takes a certain amount of effort from us when we’d really like to just sit down and relax for a few hours.
2. Chances are your introvert loves to party, but being guilt tripped into going to a party when they’d prefer to be doing something else damages the introverted soul.
3. If an introvert says he’ll come to your shindig and then pulls out at the last minute, it’s likely that such a decision wasn’t made lightly. Either something important is keeping him away, or he feels like his presence would be detrimental to the party.
4. We love to talk - really, we do - it’s just not always so easy for us to know what to say. (Disclaimer: Other innies may feel differently!)
5. Sometimes we just like time to be with ourselves and our own thoughts. Nothing personal.

Please don’t get the wrong impression of us innies from Jonathan’s article. He almost hit the nail on the head, but instead just wound up stomping mercilessly on the toes of pretty much every extrovert who might happen upon his somewhat harsh article.